In the name of love

I have not doubt you have heard this one before. What is love? The answer to that question usually goes something like this: love is patience, love is kindness, love is selflessness, love is understanding, love is giving, love is caring. Ok you get the drift. Yet there is another question that I am sure you are familiar with. Why does love hurt? I do not believe that love hurts. I have never subscribed to that school of thought. I have been hurt a few times before by the people I loved. I thought that they loved me. When the hurt came, love was not the motivator. I got hurt because my love for them allowed me to let my guard down, in so doing I allowed for that hurt to find its way in. Love was not part of it. It is easy to be blinded by so many things when you are in love. You let your guard down because love is trusting.

Then if love is all those wonderful things, how is it that people end up getting hurt so much when they fall in love? I think the answer is simple. Love does not run your relationship for you. If it did, I would still be with the first person I fell in love with, and so would you. We would imprint on each other like wolves do. I actually wish we did. This jumping from one to the next really is exhausting. If you are both matured enough to agree on rules of engagement when you begin your relationship, then I feel that should anything change along the way you should both agree on the new rules of engagement and then allow love to find a suitable environment to grow. I mean for love to stay in a relationship, there are prerequisites. It is easy to stay in a relationship where love has taken a back seat and not even notice until it is too late.

When I say that relationships are work, I mean that both partners need to constantly work on ensuring that the environment of the relationship is conducive for love to exist. This makes it easier for both to work things out and have a healthy relationship. The disagreements are resolved in an amicable way. The desired outcome is always to build further than to give up on each other. I think it is possible that you are not following what I am saying because we have lost the essence of love in relationships. Love has become transactional. We have lost the romance. I am talking about the intimacy of walking hand in hand. The excitement of receiving flowers at the office or the pride of sending her flowers at the office. The candle lit dinners. Dressing up to go on a romantic night out. The texts during the day to build up the mood for later. Compiling a play list with all the love songs of yesteryear for a romantic getaway. Having your partner smiling like an idiot when they sit and think of the way you look at them when they see you.

Love is beautiful. I can’t believe I still spell beautiful in my head as I type to get the spelling right. I digress. Yes, love is beautiful, and I think that to fully experience the beauty of it, one should not rush into a relationship but take time to be friends with a person first and let love find its way in and to grow. Think about a friend you have had for the longest time, now think about all that your friendship has endured. Do you love your friend? I bet you do. Now you have a blueprint of a healthy relationship. Like I said, it is simple, if it is hard then you my friend are doing it wrong. How about me you might ask, well unfortunately for you, a gentleman never tells.

The King